I walked in on two managers in a compromising position, reapplying to a team that fired me, and more (2024)

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I walked in on two managers in a compromising position

I am a newly hired manager. Today I was asked to visit a storage building to pick up some items for staff. I arrived at the building and noticed two other managers’ cars. I unlocked the door to the building and entered — and walked in on the two managers in a compromising situation. I quickly said sorry and walked out, got in my car, and drove to a neighboring parking lot. I waited a while and returned to the building. They were gone. I went in and picked up the items I was sent for and then returned to the office.

The male manager attempted to talk to me about it and I just told him that I didn’t want to talk about it and it wasn’t my business.

I looked in our handbook and there is no mention about employee relationships being prohibited, so I don’t feel that it is my place to spread what I saw around. I don’t want to tattle. I really want to forget what I saw. But I also like my job and don’t want to be brought into drama when this blows up because it will. I am worried that knowing and not saying anything will impact my job. Am I handling this the right way?

If they’re not in each other’s chain of command, you’re free to ignore this. There’s no particular reason to worry you’ll be involved in their drama if it blows up at some point. First, people date coworkers without it blowing up. Second, if for some reason it does blow up, it’s very unlikely that they’d have any reason to announce that you once walked in on them having sex. (What would either of them gain by that?) But if for some reason they did, you’d simply explain that since they’re not in each other’s chain of command, you didn’t think it was any of your business and you preferred (and still prefer) to stay out of it.

(This assumes you’re not senior to them and they’re not in your line of command. If they are, that’s a different conversation — one about their lack of judgment — but it doesn’t sound like that’s the situation.)

2. Reapplying to a department that fired me after a PIP

Seven months ago, I was terminated from my job at a large nonprofit. I worked for them for close to two years. The first year I had one set of duties — the ones I applied for — and even was given a raise after less than a year. But after my manager changed duties, I was also given different tasks to perform. Within three weeks, I was put on a performance improvement plan (PIP) and then fired for failure to perform after 90 days. They just let the PIP run and run until my manager saw enough minor errors to provide the documentation to HR for cover. They were truly minor errors (typos, mixing up names frequently when talking on a Zoom call, etc.). I had deliverables and positive relationships with everyone I worked alongside — but not with two key figures related to my changed duties, one being my direct manager — and the other being a department head who had worked with my manager for 12 years. I worked with two different department heads: one raved about my work, the other one complained to my manager. I believe the “good review” department head was a rival to the one who complained about me, but who knows?

The director of the department (who was hired after me) said he’d be a future reference for me and made some comments to me privately that I had been “screwed” by the situation. I was professional and non-hostile all the way to the end — even when HR screwed up several times by sending me emails announcing my firing before it happened and when my manager accidentally posted to our department Slack that I was on a PiP.

I saw a posting in my old department at the same place. I applied because I was curious what would happen. Also it’s been seven months and I’m out of unemployment. Would HR just deep-six the application? The department I worked in was large, but the job ad wasn’t specific enough for me to figure out who is managing the role. I guess I wondered what my former director or manager or HR might do with someone let go after a PIP? I don’t recall if the termination letter ever said I couldn’t be hired again, but it’s a big place with a highly professionalized HR department.

Does it seem embarrassing to apply for another role in the same (large) department since my ex-bosses still work there? My guess is a lesser HR person hiring will see the resume, take it above them, and watch it get kicked around with the people involved in hiring (and my firing).

It’s pretty unlikely that you’ll be hired back into a department that fired you less than a year ago for performance reasons. Given the history, it also might come across a little oddly to just apply without first reaching out to a contact there, to run the idea by them. If you really wanted to apply, ideally you’d have contacted the director who sounded sympathetic when you left, said you saw the posting and are interested, and asked if he thinks it makes sense to throw your hat in the ring. (And if he did support the idea, this would have the advantage of him possibly helping move you forward.) You can still do a version of that now, adjusting it to say that you applied and weren’t sure if he thought it made sense, but would love to talk about the role if he does.

3. Being charged for guests when you live on employer property

I work seasonally, and in the summers I’m a raft guide in the mountain west. It’ll be my third year working for this company.

They’ve changed their camping/living on property policy every year, and this year we newly have to pay $100/month for camping on site. This gets us a bathroom, water, a cold water sink, and an indoor lounge space (notably no kitchen, shower, or actual living space). Paying for few amenities is industry standard, though not universal in the area, and my managers have explained the new cost as about the land as an asset: They also offer camping to the public at $35/night, and any camping spot we use can’t be sold.

My specific issue is another policy that charges friends or family members who stay with us $20/night. This is if they stay with us, not if they take up any additional space. I have close friends in the area, but who live an hour or more away, who would stay in my camper or in their cars, not taking up any space that would otherwise be sold to the public. My managers have explained this by saying “we even charge our friends and family to camp here,” but I see this as equivalent to charging friends and family to stay in my house that I pay to rent! Do you have any suggestions on how to push back on this?

First, a big caveat: I never camp and I have no idea how this works. I’m happy to try to reason through it, but make sure you’re getting advice from someone who knows the industry, too.

So. Is charging employees for guests standard in the industry? If so, I’m guessing it may be less about charging guests for the specific spot of land you’re already renting and more about charging them for being additional people using the resources of the campground as a whole (since presumably three people staying in one camp site leave more of a footprint than one person does). If that’s the case, I don’t know that you’ll have much success pushing back.

Otherwise, though, your best bet is to push back with a group of coworkers, because multiple voices have more power than one. Also, does your site charge non-employees by the person or the spot? If it charges by the spot, point out that you’re already renting that spot — at a discounted rate because of the labor you provide, but you’ve still rented it just as much a non-employee has rented theirs. But if they charge by the person, I suspect you’re on weaker ground.

4. I’m not allowed to talk directly to a subject matter expert

I work in a state agency as an instructional designer (ID), which means I develop training materials. We IDs typically work with at least one subject matter expert (SME) who helps with content. An SME, Mary, was assigned for my current project — revisions of a few short videos, not a major time commitment.

But I am not allow to communicate with Mary directly. Instead I was instructed to send questions and review links to my boss, who would send them to Mary’s boss, who will send them to Mary. At first I didn’t quite understand (or maybe didn’t quite believe it) and messaged Mary a question. My boss sent me a “polite reminder” that I wasn’t to contact her directly.

Again, Mary was assigned to the project. I’m a pretty reserved, respectful, careful person. I’m also about 20+ years older than either of these managers. I should add that this is not the first time that doing this job has felt like trying to walk with one of those rubber bands around my ankles.

Should I talk to someone about this? There’s a form employees can fill out about concerns, which can be anonymous or not. In the past, I’ve also had a few long conversations about my job with Mary’s boss’s boss, which she encourages.

I’m in a term limited position that ends at the end of September (when I’m pretty much retiring) so there’s not much risk. The gain would be feeling a little less crazy as I finish my time in this job.

No. There could be all kinds of reasons you’re not privy to for why they’ve set it up this way. Maybe Mary has had problems with IDs in the past, and they’ve agreed to this arrangement to appease her. Maybe Mary is a pain in the ass to work with, and things go more smoothly when communication is funneled through her boss. Maybe Mary is swamped and her boss is helping manage her workload. Maybe the two bosses are in some kind of turf war that’s way above your pay grade. Who knows. But it’s not a big enough problem to try to escalate, and definitely not to report anonymously.

At most you could ask your boss why it’s set up that way. And if it’s legitimately causing issues — like if things are being lost in translation or you’re not able to get responses quickly enough — you absolutely should raise those issues with your boss. But if you just object on principle, you’re better off letting it go.

5. What can I tell a coworker about why I’m not advancing a candidate they referred?

I am presently interviewing to fill a role on my team and have had a candidate come through via a referral from one of my colleagues. I decided not to move forward with the candidate because his resume was a disorganized disaster. Obviously I wouldn’t use those words, but would it be fair to tell my colleague that I had ruled out their referral because his written communication skills were not sufficient for the role? Or is this invading the privacy of the candidate?

You’ll typically get better referrals when you explain to people why someone they referred wasn’t a strong candidate for the job. They’ve already opened up a discussion about the candidate by referring them to you; you’re not invading anyone’s privacy by closing the loop on that conversation. And “we really need someone with strong written communication skills for this role, and unfortunately his applications materials weren’t at the bar we needed” is a reasonable thing to say.